One of my assignments this week is to “describe my growth up to this point in terms of” 8 different areas of life. As I look at these topics, I’m looking forward to what I get to write down. I have not gotten to where I want to be in all (any?) of these categories, but I can actually say I’m able to stand up, look around, and give myself an honest look, finding both places I’ve grown and places I’ve still got room to grow.
So here we goooooo……
My growth up to this point in terms of SELF IMAGE
I see so much that has changed, and so much that is still the same, when I look at my image of myself. On one side, I’ve finally began to enact the believe that “I have worth.” For the last several years, even before my coaching experience, I have begun to better understand the reality that I am a child of the King, a full fledged, adopted son to the Creator of heaven and earth. But during the past several months, it’s like I’ve heard God telling me, “Then Act Like It. Act like you are who I tell you you are.” What’s that look like? What’s changed? Where have I grown?
I’m not a disappointment. In fact, I’m a success! In my family, my church, my business, and many other areas of my life, I provide something of worth. I add value to other people’s (and even organization’s) lives. The things I do are worth their investment – time, money, commitment. I don’t need to feel that I must only charge enough to provide a decent living. I can even see myself growing my business instead of just surviving this massive changes I’m going through right now.
I am beginning to truly enjoy the “running the business” side of running my business. In the past, I don’t know if I didn’t feel that I had what it takes or if I just didn’t really feel it was right for me to build a growing and decently profitable business. I think perhaps I was raised to believe, and then in turn believed myself, that every dollar I earn must be hard-earned. Must be fought for. Like I had to “prove” my value by the manual effort I put into something, instead of the results or value it produced. I would have seen myself as that guy who could charge $1,000 for pushing a button because he’s the only guy who know what button to push. But I’m finding now, that I do have that kind of value. Maybe not just for button pushing, but for things I am uniquely created for and gifted in… I have value. And I believe it. And as I look into these other growth things I think that will come through to me even more.
I still struggle here. I still have a huge weak spot for feeling like I’m a disappointment. I still read into people’s words (especially non-verbal) and actions. I told a friend of mine earlier this week that I was going to stop analyzing everything they said and just believe them. I need to do that. I don’t need to lower my image of myself just because something rubs me wrong. If it’s an insult against me, fine, I can either retaliate, ignore it, or take it in stride and move on. It doesn’t have to ruin my day or cause me to fire back my own words or thoughts defending myself or fighting back.
That is where I’ve grown the most in this idea of self image. I AM something valuable, I HAVE something valuable to offer, and whether or not people can see that in me, doesn’t change it.
This is affecting several areas of my life, including the way I talk, the way I seek out in-person meetings instead of hiding behind emails, the way I want to improve my health and body composition whilst at the same time being content with my own skin, and even the ability to just let some things go. It is so freeing.