Love and Respect Thoughts and Quotes

I’m reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Here are some quotes and thoughts I’m gleaning.

“Wives are made to love. Want to love. And expect to love. Many husbands fail to deliver. … there’s another part…. Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. … Without love from him, she reacts without respect. Without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes … the crazy cycle.”

They could offend each other quite easily, but they didn’t have the right tools to turn off their flame throwers.

When a husband feels disrespect, he has a tendancy to react in ways that feel unloving to her wife. When a wife feels unloved, she has a tendancey to react in ways that feel disprectful to her husband. Perhaps this is why the Bible gives us these specific directions.

A way to defuse those disrepectful moments: “That felt disrespectful; did I just come across as unloving?” This gets my feelings on the table. It doesn’t say they’re justified or correct, but displays honesty. It also takes the burden off of HER by assuming it wasn’t intentional and may have been caused by something I in fact initiated.

“Look for her cry and respond with love.”

“Women confront to connect.”

For a woman, face-to-face time is heart-to-heart time. How I spend the first few moments in the morning or when I arrive home sets the tone and reminds her how I feel about her.

From Wikipedia:

The book is built upon the theory that the “primary emotional needs” for men and women, respectively are that men need respect and women need love, like they need air to breathe. Dr. Eggerichs uses simple examples to illustrate real life situations in relationships and then often connects those situations to the verse in Ephesians and other passages in the Bible. The book is organized into three main sections.[1][13]

The Crazy Cycle first illustrates that “Without love, she reacts without respect and without respect, he reacts without love”. Misunderstandings in communication is expressed using simple metaphors to illustrate that men often use blue sunglasses and women often use pink sunglasses during communication.[14][15] Practical strategies are then discussed to stop the Crazy Cycle from spinning, including the use of scientific findings by John Gottman.[1]

The Energizing Cycle next outlines strategies for improving a relationship by showing that “his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love”, using two acronyms C-O-U-P-L-E (Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem) and C-H-A-I-R-S (Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality).[1][16]

The Rewarded Cycle lastly is demonstrated by example using Scripture that “His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love”. Connecting obedience to Christ in the correlation to a greater outcome in the relationship is suggested. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_%26_Respect)

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I got a lot out of “the energizing cycle.” Some thoughts…

  • The devil will do anything to get two people to have sex before marriage (false intimacy) and anything he can do keep them from having sex after they are married.
  • “Your presence invigorates me.” Simply having my wife “at my shoulder” brings energy.

Best. Father's. Day. Ever.

Today was the best Father’s Day ever.

Hit snooze a few times and slept in, since the rest of the family was sound asleep.

Went to church on my own after getting the kids out of bed 10 minutes before it was time to leave.

Taught teens about trustworthy fathers (there’s really only one, you know).

Got a text from Erin: “Colton wants to take you to El Meson (his favorite place) because he knows you love it when we all go together.”

Got greeted by flying leaps in the church foyer from my kids after church let out.

Lunch at my son’s favorite restaurant with my family.

Came home, tucked kids in for nap, and found some coffee.

Got a text. 

Headed off for a nice 15 mile bike ride over the hills and through the woods, partly to clear my head, and partly just because.

Broke a wheel, 7 miles from home. Aforementioned awesome family came and picked me up, and we packed everyone and the bike back in the car.

Immediatly upon returning home, took my kids and the dog for a walk. Let the dog help pull the wagon. Crashed the wagon with MaKenna in it. Slight head damage. Slight.

Came home. Mowed the yard and caught my kids waving crazily at me every few minutes. Waved back.

Broke mower belt. Again.

Ate special blueberry cobbler with family on deck. Forgot to mention previously that I enjoyed the experience of introducing my daughter to ribs.

Put kids in bed. 

And I think that’s about it. 

Happy Fathers Day

To all the men who have played various roles of dad, father, mentor, and friend in my life… Happy Father’s Day. Especially to you, Big F Father. I love you. Thank you for always being faithful and true.

Is this what inventors feel like?

 

There are a lot of words I could use to describe my professional life – computer programmer, solutions provider, architect, developer, business owner, and entrepreneur may just be a few. Those are all ways to describe what I do everyday – build, model, test, try, and take ownership. But there’s a side of me – a growing side, and a side that goes way, way back – that doesn’t fit into those nice neat boxes. It’s the inventor side. The artist side. The side that grasps a big idea and runs with it without a paying client. The side that sees the statue in the lump of marble. That side.

It’s been a long time since I’ve let that side of my life have a hand in steering the course of my life. Sure, I’ve gone on rabbit trails and tried things that I thought might turn out cool, but I’ve never really “seen them through.” A lot of that, frankly, is because I lost a lot of belief in myself. I let go of art… of beauty. Instead, I saw products, services, and processes.

I picture myself sometime as an inventor. Not just of my own ideas – I don’t really have that hankering – but of others. Of seeing what they want to do and GETTING IT, and bringing it to life. Creating. Building. Designing. My artwork may not be pretty to you, but to me, it is. I see colors when I look at #00A7E7 and #008EC4. I see ways to accomplish things you’d never do on your own when I see words like DO, LOOP, WHILE, and the almighty IF statement. I don’t get hung up on computer languages, because they’re really all just a different way of communicating with a machine to get it to do what you are asking of it. I can read many, write a few less, but I get them. And it’s art. Like the matrix, slowly scrolling by… that’s art to me. That is where I invent.

You may not get me. Few people do. I can count the ones that I know that really “get me” on one hand. The ones that understand how code is my paint, and dev environments are my paintbrush. The ones that may laugh, but at the same time know I’m dead serious when I lay hands on a computer. These are tools in the hands of an artist, instruments in the hands of a musician, and stems in the hands of a gardener.

This is my way. This is what brings me joy. And I revel in the fact that it also brings me, in many cases, the resources I need to live my life. I get PAID to do this… well, most of the time, at least. Sometimes in dollars, sometimes in pats on the backs, and sometimes in phrases like “Oh my God, I had no idea we could do that!” But I also get paid in the trying. In the proving. In the building of a concept. You may not care much about my first show and tell, but come along for the ride, hear the passion in me for what I do, and you’ll get it… maybe.

My guess is that there’s something of this in a lot more of us than we think. I used to LOVE art. Making clay bongs and ashtrays (I promise that’s not what they were supposed to look like) and creating my own dream home on a drafting table. And the more and more I think about it, the more I realize I still do. Now it’s in code. Now it’s in things that are measured in 2×4 and 2×6. Now it’s in helping my son find his swing, in anticipating the day I can learn to braid my daughters hair, and in watching a storm roll in with my wife on the deck.